Every girl visualizes the day she has her dream wedding, and for most women, marriage is something we look forward to. It never dawned on me that I too would make marriage one of my goals, something to aspire toward. Life has been quite a journey for me - this has been another life lesson. Many of my lessons are invaluable because no teacher or classroom could have provided such instructions, or prepared me for that which I have experienced as a woman and a wife. I am not at all unhappy but let me say, sometimes I think that I have been lied to.
This is not coming from the perspective of a professional, however it is meant to provide you with a snippet of my 9+ year’s journey through "marital bliss",never without complications. As I willingly entered into a marital arrangement with someone whom I considered my soul mate, I came to realize the what it means to be a partner. My husband is not only my life's mate, but someone I have known for many years, well over 20. Love him, hate him then love him again, this has been a real life saga of two very different people, making an attempt at co-partnering.
Who decided that people should do this anyway? Okay I know it was endorsed by the bible but darn! It ain't easy. Marriage makes sense- yes it does. I get to be with the one I love and enjoy a special companionship. I also enjoy a few fringe benefits- like sharing the cost of most expenses, enjoying monogamy (hopefully), and of course there is the bearing of children, although one does not have to be married to enjoy that.
Marital bliss/or martial blast?
Is there such a thing as marital bliss? Well at the beginning when all was new, we had lots of blissful moments and for many years. Long before the name calling and the arguments over who should do dishes and of course, my biggest pet peeve of all, leaving the toilet seat up, we were just dandy. Of course, bliss is what you make of it and you can have it for as long as you can, however, it has a way of dissipating.
We are two imperfect individuals and as long as there are two individual with difference of opinions and of course personalities, there will be issues. We have managed to deal with these issues, and it has made all the difference.
My single most important lesson is, "DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY"- How do I do that? Obviously like most humans I am affected mostly by the negative and positive things said by my husband,one of the persons who matters the most. His words can have the strongest impact, and lasting effect, especially the negative ones. Not taking anything personally is the hardest thing I have had to live by and to date, I have not been able to perfect the craft. After 9 years, I have taken a lot less personally but honestly, I doubt that I will ever be able totally shut out the more painful retorts of my husband. The hardest times of course are during our arguments. When my husband says anything, not usually much, he goes deep and I can’t help responding in kind.
So should the vow “for better or worse” be taken literally? Yes because it is real, life does become paradoxical. It happens to be the part of the commitment that each has to make and when, or if, you get to the part where those words are to be said, May some strong force be with you.
If you can endure and get through the times when it gets worse, you will enjoy MARITAL BLISS
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